


Beautiful Disaster

by StregataDalloStregatto



Series: Demetra's Ballad [6]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Chubby!Inquisitor, F/M, First Date, First Kiss, Plus Size Woman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-05-19 14:44:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5970783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StregataDalloStregatto/pseuds/StregataDalloStregatto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s an important day for the Inquisitor, but even for the Herald of Andraste the life could be difficult. Even during a special occasion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

> If you like Dragon Age stuff and fantasy things, here is
> 
> [my Tumbrl](http://stregatadallostregatto.tumblr.com/) .

“ _I dont’ want to be too intrusive. I know that you’re busy, Demetra.”._

_He looked like was tasting the sound of her name and the woman smiled openly, despite her own embarassment “Well, just ask me.”._

_Blessed Andraste and all Her friends, Demetra couldn’t stop smiling at him with, she suspected, a dreamy expression. He just kissed her. She wanted to talk with him, tired of hidding her feelings, but  fully ready being rejected with polite words. She could neverhave hoped a kiss._

_A first kiss for her, to be honest. A perfect, passionate, sweet first kiss._

“ _I’d really like to spend more time with you. Maybe… for dinner, this evening? I heard that Cabot’s stew is uncredibly better than his manners.” he joked mildly, interrupting her thoughts._

“ _Do you want to meet me at the Herald’s Rest? Not in the main hall?” she couldn’t stop teasing him, for hiding her own emotion._

_A date! He was asking her a date! Her first date just a few minutes later her first kiss. She was happy. More, she was radiant. She wanted to jump, sing, run… kiss him again._

_Cullen chuckled, low and just a little clumsy, and the sound sent a very pleasant shiver along her body “Yes, well, I think we could have a little more… privacy, there. I mean, the others prefer the hall for the dinner and…”_

“ _Cullen?” the Inquisitor interrupted gently, boldly caressing his arm“I too would like a lot spending more time with you. Alone with you, I mean. Just the two of us, without Dorian’s jokes or Leliana’s innuendos.” she murmured blushing, her fingers now interwined with his. He kissed her knuckles, almost reverently, his lips lingering against her skin and Demetra had a serious problem to not lose the thread._

“ _I wanted to be kissed again.” the thought was spontaneous and seemed so right to formulate._

_And before speaking again, Cullen took the same view and kissed her, gently at the beginning.  When she hold him stronger, following her instinct, he changed the mood._

_Cullen was a person who kissed with all the body. Demetra could feel his hands caressing her back, squeezing gently  her hips, playing with her hair. His legs were shifting, trapping her in the sweetest possible way against the cold stone of the battlements and she took the chance to touch him once again. Experimentally, she ran her fingers along his scalp and he appeared to really enjoy this. He grunted satisifed when she hold him to her even closer. Demetra didin’t want to stop. To let him go. To wait before touch him again._

_But she did and he pressed a kiss on the corner of her reddened lips “This evening, to the Herald’s Rest.”._

 

And now she was there, sitting on the first floor of the tavern, to a small, secluded table for two, thinking about her day blessed by the Maker himself.

Using the window as a sort of mirror, she tried again to understand if she was dressed properly for a date. The Inquisitor dind’t want to ask an advice to anynone, not even Cass or Josie. Probably Cass’d say something along the line “Clothes doesn’t matter, the important is you.”. True and false at the same time. Clothes were not the most important part, surely, but a good look could help to make her feel sure. Or a little less nervous. For this reason, Demetra had chosen a long white bluse with puffy sleeves and a blue embroidery along the torso and her neckline. A pair of soft, brown trousers completed the outfit, with cute turquoise earrings, an important golden bangle and her favorite leather boots, a gift from her Dalish friends in the Dales. Elegant, but not too much. She had a little problem just with her hairstyle.

Since she joned the Inquisition, her hair was getting really longer, except for the strands that Jospehine’s maiden cut shorter, one day after that the lady Ambassador suggested a little changed for Demetra’s hair. The shorter locks along her face helped her unusual eyes to stand out and the tip of her nose didn’t seem anymore so round. Lady Trevelyan really loved her new haircut, but was complicated finding a right solution for a date. If she’d asked the help of Josie’s maiden, almost surely she’d explain why the Inquisitor needed a different look. And Josie’d be blanched realizing that the first date of the Inquisitor with the Commander – _her_ Commander- was planned in a tavern, that’s for sure. Even more sure, she’d insisted for a proper dinner, with servants and elaborate dishes.

Instead, Demetra wanted a date between Demetra and Cullen, not a meeting between politics.

So she wore simply her hair down and, spying her reflection in the window, she was totally convinced about her choice.It wasn’t a habitual feeling, but she felt almost pretty. Her clothes were made in Val Royeaux and fitted her generous curves in the best way. Orlesians could be a bunch of assholes, but their taylors was unequalled. Her body seemed feminine and welcoming, not shapeless and… too much. 

Demetra chuckled softly, shaking her head, well aware that probably her cheeks were deeply red. Andraste’s sword, she was really waiting for Cullen! She was really having a date!

At the beginning, she was so excited to not realize he was late.

But when the sun started to lower, she frowned. The time of their appointment was at least fourty minutes ago.

Probably a late messenger had required his attention. Sure! How many times this happened to her? Too many to remeber. A note, a noble just arrived, some sudden problem about their enemies.

The woman smoothed a tiny fold on her trousers. Everything was fine. She just needed a little more patience.

The time was strange, that evening.

It seemed deformed. While she was looking Skyhold slowly fell quiet, stunned that the evening was becoming so quickly night, Demetra felt like if she was sitting in the tavern from weeks. Every minute was long enough to allow to her panic growing and growing, grabbing her throat.

Downstairs she could hear a drunken song with many laughs – the Charges, obiviously -, a cheerful clamor, fragments of dialogues. Half hidden in the shadows, Demetra clamped her hands on the wooden table for preventing them to shake. There was no reason to be ansious. Cullen said he would come and he wasn’t the type of man that joked with people’s feeling. He wasn’t like the men she met before him. He _couldn’t_ be.

But what if – her hands trembled violently – he changed his mind?

What if he regretted what happened that afternoon? There were tons of good reasons not to get  involved in a relationship with her, Cullen himself said a couple of them before their kiss. Maybe he found others. Maybe…

“No, stop thinking those things!” she ordered herself sharply, looking at the little light in the dark. That was Cullen’s window. That light meant that he was inside his office. He was in his tower. Not in the tavern with her.

She heard Sera’s voice calling someone for a Wicked Grace match and some food together. And Michel de Chevin was talking with an elven woman not far from her table. They appeared having a really good time.

Demetra bit fiercely her bottom lip “Cullen said he would come.” she murmured to herself, angrily. She had to be confident. It was just a little delay, nothing really terrible. She could wait a little more.

But the time passed and Cullen didn’t arrive. The Charges stopped their songs, people was starting to go to sleep, Michel left the tavern with his lady and the Inquisitor was still sitting alone in a corner. The light in Cullen’s office was always there. Far from her.

“Oooh, bet m'pants thaaat you'rrr waiting for me!!”.

Demetra raised her eyes and found a very drunken Sera firmyl clung against an amused Dorian “Well, well, this is a surprise! Nobody downstairs knew that you was here all alone! Why didn’t you enjoy us?”.

Demetra tried to smile “Ah, well I…”

“ ‘ait, want to guesss…” Sera laughed, shaking the bottle in her free hand “Yuve a date! Doorian, ahahaha, she'as a date! Wow!”.

The Inquisitor froze for a second, before speaking to Dorian and ignoring the question “Do you need help with her?”

“No, thank you. This is quite an evening ritual for the two of us.”.

Sera laughed again trying to kiss his cheek and Dorian shaked his head with false irritation, while he was carrying her in her bedroom.

Demetra looked at them, unsure about her next move, when a cough interrupted her thoughts again. Cabot was starting to clean the floor and pointed the window “Don’t want to be rude, but this’d be closing time. Your Worship.” he added at the end with a slight bow.

Demetra stood up slowly. She felt… strange. She was cold and at the same time her throat was completely dry and her cheeks flushed.

He wasn’t come.

She blinked quickly, walking down the stairs cautiously. Demetra thanked Andraste that the tavern was almost empty, except for a pair of maidens who didn’t appear very interested in her presence.

Better.

Because she felt completely destroyed and the only thing that really wanted was being in her bed. All the happiness gone, she was perceiving just a huge humiliation.

Her date was been a completely bust.

Mortified, she looked at his window for a last time. He could have at least sent a message or something. Even if he had decided that their… what? Relationship? Special friendship? Whatever was their correlation now, he could be gentler.

“I won’t cry.” the Inquisitor thought, breathing deeply. Or, at least, trying to do it, because her breath was trembling and unsure “I won’t really cry. If he doesnt’ want anymore a relationship between us, I’ll accept it. We’re both adults and things change. It’s okay. It’s not the first time. I can… I can… I won’t…”

“Demetra?”.

The woman turned toward the voice and met a pair of bright, worried eyes “Are you alright?”

“Sure, Dorian.” her laugh was weary “Everything is fine.”

“Your face is telling a different story. Why were you all alone in the tavern?”.

The woman blushed furiously when saw the realization in his eyes “You had a date.” the mage said slowly and she shrugged “More or less. I thought… I… you know? It doesn’t matter. He wasn’t interested, after all.”

“After the kisses he gave you today I can’t believe you.” he frowned. Her eyes got big “Wait, I never said… and how do you know…”

“My lovely Inquisitor, half Skyhold could admire the show today. I never expected to see our fierce and stunning Commander acting so bravely and openly, I admit. I thought that you two’d continue staring and blushing one to each other for the rest of the eternity.”.

Demetra stared the ground, shifting uncomfortable, not trusting her voice. He lifted gently her chin “He’s a little late, isn’t he? Maybe your too busy Commander didn’t remeber that Cabot closes this place quite soon, during the week.”

“We… we decided to having a dinner here.” she replied whispering, blinking quickly. Dorian frowned “You waited for him… for all this time? All the evening?”.

She smiled weakly “I think he’s changed his mind.”

“What? After months of looking at you with puppy eyes and acting like a fool in your presence? It’s absurd!”

“Dorian,” she interrupted him with a faint gasp “let us be realistic. Look at him and look at me. I suppose he thought this isn't the best moment for a relationship. And, to be honest, he could have… a better choice.  It wasn’t for my glowing hand, I would be just an unknown, chubby noblewoman. I’m not special, I’m… just me, I suppose. He must have realized that… maybe I’m not right for him.”.

With a little smile, she hug her friend “It’s okay. Love wasn’t part of my life before and look at me. I’m still alive! It’s all okay. Now, I’ll go to bed and tomorrow morning I’ll have forgotten this day. Everything will be as it was.”.

Demetra didn’t realize she was shaking. 

And she didn’t glimpse Dorian starting to run, when she disappeared in the empty main hall.

And she didn’t see Dorian burst in the Commander office “Vishante kaffas, what are you doing, you big blonde idiot?!”.


	2. Part II

“I’m okay.” Demetra told, for the third time, to her reflection in the majestic Antivan mirror.

Even if she was feeling the biggest stupid in the whole Maker’s creation, she was fine.

Sure!

A man changed his mind about her. And she was still alive, right?

Right.

The desolation in her eyes seemed mocking her own words.

She was trembling because her quarters were a little colder than usual, that’s all. She was the Inquisitor, she fought demons and dangers every single day, she could easily face her… _the_ Commander with a smile, exactly as nothing had happened.

They didn’t even speak about their kisses anymore.

Cullen was out of her league. The thought stung her and not for the first time.

Despite a decent opinion about herself, she wasn’t naive or blind. Men didn’t admire her large hips, her full figure, her flashy body. They found lady Trevelyan clever, polite, even pleasant, but nothing more. They laughed with her – when not _of_ her -  without seeing nothing more than a bigger body, too unusual for being appreciate. Despite this, before the Conclave, the lack of admirers wasn’t a big problem. Demetra had a good family and a pair of beloved friends, she thought her life was full enough.

When she met the Commander, things changed.

 _She_ changed. 

Because the Herald fell in love with him so quickly that she was almost scared, at the beginning.

Before him, she was certain to know what the love was and the experience taught her that wasn’t something made for her.

After meeting Cullen, a stubborn hope blossomed in her – _naive, silly, pulsing_ \- heart. She had scolded herself: the frightful mark on her hand should had been her priority. Or the bunch of Teveinter freaks that wanted her dead. Or the Red Templars, who seemed to crop up behind every corner. Instead, she couldn’t escape from her attraction. He was there, a solid centre in the chaos that her life had become.

Resolute, brave, wise, with a killer smirk. She began to search his shape wihtout thinking, during the meetings, during a walk, during her training matches. They spoke a lot despite her initial shyness, sometimes argued, mostly trained together.

He became better and better in her eyes, because even they thought different, he listened to her. He cared for her point of view. His kindness matched with his resolution and the starting, almost childish crush grew quickly in something much more deep.

The Herald wanted more than smiles and words, between them. She whished that Cullen could look at her differently, that he could find her… pretty, why not?

Not just a holy figure, a warrior or a companion, but a woman.

That evening, however, he just confirmed that this wouldn’t happen.

As always, when she was hurt, she reacted aggresively. The thought of hitting him with her shield, straight in his stunning face, was very alluring.

“No, no.” she restrained herself, grabbing the edge of her desk “Be classy. Hit him with his own shield, at least, don’t ruin yours!”.

She laughed tearfully to her own poor quip. Despite the joke, humiliation and sadness were still in her chest, theirs fangs steadily planted in her flesh.

“Fuck.” Demetra sobbed, clamped her teeth in a futile try to not become a tearing mess in the next minutes “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”.

Biting her knocks, the Inquisitor shut her eyes.

She didn’t want to cry. He didn’t deserve her tears. Damned, why she was crying?

Probably was better that nothing happened, right?

They had a lot of duties and it would be too complicated having a relationship.

But she’d like give it a try, at least.

Why he didn’t reach her? Why? At least, she deserved an explanathion. A note. Not that thunderous nothing.

Opening wide her eyes, the Inquisitor angrily wiped away the tears. Fine. Did she want answers? There was just one person in all Thedas that had them and he was probably sleeping happily in his tower.

Demetra looked at her reflection, fighting. The Commander would have been better to have a very good reason for his absence, for his own sake, she mumbled running through her bedroom, down the stairs, opening the door.

And, narrowly, she was punched in her head by a gloved hand.

“Maker’s breath!”.

Cullen’s shocked look was mirroring hers “Inq… Demetra, I was going to knock and…”

“You!” she roared, feeling sadness, chagrin, surprise and anger collided all together and blew up as a rentless wave, flushing her face “You know, I really like you and I thought the feeling was reciprocal.”. He appeared staggered to hear her screaming in this way, almost snarling the words.

Demetra pointed an accusing finger at him, moving one step closer to him  “But if you changed your mind, it would be appreciate a word. What did you think, that I could embarass you and myself crying or imploring for more attentions, if you’d tell me that you weren’t interested anymore? I…”

“A moment, please.” Cullen interrupted her, frowning “I’m not the one who was absent, this evening.”

“Absent?” she hissed, trying not to wake all Skyhold “ _I_ was at the Herald’s Rest, as we decided. And you?!”.

“ _I_ was the one who was waiting at the locand!” he replied vehemently, towering over her, his eyes burning even in the faint light. Demetra heated herself for noticing how beautiful he was, even in his anger.

Then his words hit her “You… what?”

“I was there!” he repeated, more controlled this time, moving a little closer to her “I was there and you weren’t! I thought… I thought that maybe you had realized how wrong I was for you. I thought I misinterpreted our… afternoon meeting. I know that a woman like you deserve something better than… me. ”.

These last, almost whispered words, made her chest clenching painfully.  The unspoken words were even worst. She could be unsure about herself, but Cullen wounds were deeper. He didn’t see him in the right way. He _couldn’t_ see everything that was good in him.

Demetra couldn’t avoid to reach his arm with her hand.

Cullen avoided her gaze, but grabbed gently her fingers “Dorian came in to my office some minutes ago and said… a different thing.” he murmured, looking at her expectantly “I was here for asking you what’s happened precisely, this night.”

She felt her head spinning, the situation was beyond her understanding “Cullen, exactly, what did you mean affirming that you were at the Herald’s Rest?”.

Cullen frowned slightly, rubbing absently her hand with his own “I didn’t see many ways for commenting my words. I waited for you in the garden, near the door. For hours! I admit I was some minutes late, a message from Fairbanks arrived and… however, this is another story. The point is that… the time passed and I was there alone.”

“Because I was waiting for you inside the damned tavern.”.

If the astonishment had a face, was Cullen’s.

Demetra, for her part, was speechless.

She thought that… and instead he was…

The Inquisitor didn’t want to laugh. He was so upset, all ruffle and confused, so far from the efficent Commander of the Inquisition and only five minutes ago she was feeling alone and humiliated. And a little furious.

Still, the laugh came loud and free.

She was laughing so hard that a tear fell down her cheek “Oh, Cullen, we’re a couple of dorks!”. She managed to breathe, trying to speak normally, all her body shaken by her giggles. Cullen rubbed his neck, clearly uncertain how to act now.

Demetra interwhined her fingers with his, squeezing playfully “I was already in the tavern. First floor, precisely near Sera’s room.”

“Maker’s breath, I didn’t think you were already there.” he breathed, holding her fingers against him “We didn’t choose a precise location…”

“As I said, we’re a perfect couple of dorks.” Demetra whispered, leaning against him, a sparkle of fun in her eyes. He kissed her forehead, murmuring against her reddened skin “I like the part of the couple.”. She laughed for masking her suddenly embarassment “Tell me why, if you were there, there was light in your office.”

“Scouts and patrols need to see where they’re putting their feet!” he laughed “Sometimes I leave the candles lit even if I’m sleeping upstairs.”

The relief was so intense that Demetra felt all her body tingling and her face prickling pleasenty.

He came to their appointment.

He came!

He came and was displeased because he thought she decided to not go.

Breathing deeply, Demetra shook her head “We have to try again.”.

Cullen laughed, an amused sparkle in his eyes, and instead of answering, he kissed her cheek. And her nose. And when he reached her lips, she was eager, holding him against her with all her strength.

“Let’s go.” she managed to whisper, still lips against lips “You owe me a date.”

“Now?”

“I didn’t eat anything.”

“Me too, but I think that the cooks…”.

He stopped, hearing her chuckle. The Inquisitor caressed his cheek “Follow me, Commander. Tonight, you’re going to have the great honor to taste the real Ostwick’s cousine.”

“I ignored you know how to cook.”

“Indeed. And I want to know what’s happened tonight between you and Dorian. That’s why we need a date.”.

He grinned, kissing her again quickly “Lead the way, my lady.”.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading, comments or kudos!  
> (I hope you enjoyed my sweet couple of adorkable lovers!!!)


End file.
